Who’s Really in Charge? How the Brain Makes Decisions Before You Know It

We like to think we're calling the shots; that we choose our words, reactions, and next steps. But neuroscience tells a more surprising story: much of what we do is already in motion before we’re even aware of it. And far from being a flaw, this is actually a strength.

This article explores how the brain makes decisions and why your conscious mind isn’t always in the driver’s seat.

Your brain is more like a busy restaurant kitchen than a single chef following a recipe. There's a lot happening behind the scenes that you're not aware of, and by the time you "decide" something, your brain has often already started moving.

The Illusion of Control

Think about the last time you had a conversation. You probably felt like you were choosing your words carefully, considering your responses. But here's what was really happening: your brain was processing the other person's tone, facial expressions, and body language. It was pulling up memories, associations, and emotional responses. It was preparing multiple possible replies before you were even conscious of what you wanted to say.

All of this happened in milliseconds, mostly without your awareness. Your conscious mind (the part that feels like “you”) often shows up at the end to narrate a decision already set in motion.

How the Brain Makes Decisions: A Timing Problem

Scientists have discovered something fascinating about how the brain makes decisions: your conscious awareness often arrives late to the process.. When they monitor brain activity, they can often predict what someone will choose before the person reports being aware of their decision. This is a key insight into how the brain makes decisions: action preparation begins before your conscious mind is even aware of the choice: "Yes, that's what I decided to do."

This doesn't mean you're a robot with no free will. It means your conscious mind isn't the control centre you thought it was. It's more like a narrator, telling you a story about what's happening and why.

What Your Conscious Mind Actually Does

If consciousness isn't running the show moment to moment, what is it good for?

Your conscious mind excels at three main things: looking backward, looking forward, and making meaning. It helps you learn from experiences, plan for the future, and understand patterns in your life. It's like having a wise advisor who can zoom out and see the bigger picture.

When you reflect on why a relationship ended, plan a career change, or recognize that you always get defensive when criticized, that's your conscious mind doing what it does best. It's not great at split-second reactions, but it's excellent at connecting the dots over time.

The Horse and the Rider

Here's a helpful way to picture how your mind really works: imagine you're riding a powerful horse. You're the rider (your conscious mind), and the horse is everything else: your emotions, instincts, habits, and automatic responses.

The horse is incredibly strong and fast. It knows the terrain, can sense danger, and reacts instantly to what's happening around you. It's been learning and adapting since you were born, developing patterns and preferences based on your experiences.

As the rider, you can suggest where you'd like to go. You can pull the reins gently in one direction or another. But ultimately, the horse decides whether to follow your guidance. If the horse is spooked, hungry, or determined to go a certain way, it will take you there regardless of what you want.

Most of the time, this partnership works beautifully. The horse handles the complex work of navigating the world (maintaining your balance, reading other people's emotions, remembering important patterns) while you focus on bigger-picture decisions about direction and goals.

Problems arise when the rider tries to force the horse or when the horse's automatic responses don't serve your larger intentions. You might want to stay calm in a difficult conversation (rider's intention), but your horse bolts toward anger or defensiveness because that's its learned response to feeling threatened.

Working With Your Inner Horse

The key isn't to break the horse or pretend you're in complete control. It's to become a more skilled rider. This means:

Understanding your horse: What sets it off? What calms it down? When is it most cooperative? Your emotions, energy levels, and automatic reactions have patterns. Learning these patterns is like learning your horse's temperament.

Building trust: A good rider doesn't fight the horse constantly. Instead, they build a partnership based on trust and clear communication. This happens when you consistently take care of your basic needs (sleep, food, exercise, stress management) and practice responding to your impulses with curiosity rather than judgment.

Gentle guidance: You can't force your horse to jump a fence it's afraid of, but you can gradually build its confidence. Similarly, you can't will yourself to be instantly patient or confident, but you can practice small steps that gradually shift your automatic responses.

Working With Your Brain Instead of Against It

Understanding how your mind actually works changes everything about personal growth. Instead of trying to consciously control every reaction, you can learn to influence your automatic patterns.

Here's what this looks like in practice:

Awareness over control: Rather than forcing yourself to be different, start by noticing your patterns. When do you interrupt people? What triggers your anxiety? What makes you procrastinate? Awareness is the first step toward change.

Influence over force: Just like you can't force a horse to jump, you can't force yourself to suddenly be different. But you can influence your patterns. If you want to be more patient, you might practice breathing exercises, get better sleep, or remove yourself from stressful situations. These changes gradually shift your default reactions (like training your horse to be calmer and more responsive).

Practice over willpower: Instead of relying on willpower to override your tendencies, practice new responses until they become automatic. Want to be more grateful? Practice gratitude daily until it becomes a habit. Your conscious mind guides the practice, but the goal is to make the new pattern automatic.

A Better Relationship With Yourself

Once you understand that you're not the dictator of your mind but rather a rider working with a powerful horse, you can become a better partner with yourself. This means:

The Real Power of Consciousness

Your conscious mind may not control as much as you thought, but it has unique powers. It can step back and observe patterns. It can imagine different futures. It can learn from the past and apply those lessons going forward.

Most importantly, it can create the conditions for positive change. When you consistently direct your attention, practice new habits, and reflect on your experiences, you're not forcing change; you're creating an environment where better patterns can naturally emerge.

Think of it like tending a garden. You can't force plants to grow, but you can create the right conditions: good soil, adequate water, proper sunlight. Your conscious mind is the gardener, not the plant.

When you understand how the brain makes decisions, it becomes clear that change isn’t about control; it’s about collaboration. You’re not commanding a machine; you’re learning to partner with a powerful, adaptive system.

The Bottom Line

You're not the boss of your brain, but you are its most important advisor. Your conscious mind can't micromanage every thought and reaction, but it can guide the overall direction of your life.

This isn't a limitation: it's liberation. Once you stop trying to control everything and start working skillfully with your mind's natural design, personal change becomes less about forcing yourself to be different and more about creating conditions where positive change can unfold naturally.

Your brain is already doing most of the work. Your job is to point it in the right direction and trust the process.

If you're a coach, understanding the brain's timing and structure can transform how you support change, not by pushing harder, but by working smarter with your client’s inner horse.

Reference:

Budson, A. E., Richman, K. A., & Kensinger, E. A. (2022). Consciousness as a Memory System. Cognitive and Behavioral Neurology, Publish Ahead of Print. https://doi.org/10.1097/wnn.0000000000000319

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